Once upon a time, there was a kingdom full of prepsters called Shortsteros. Its four clans — House Seersucker, House Linen, House Madras and House Chino — constantly quarreled over whose men’s shorts should rule the kingdom, for they were equally as handsome and preppy as the next.
“Seersucker should be the short of the land,” exclaimed Lord Seersucker, “for its petite pastel stripes in blue, pink, gray and yellow bring out the seaside prep in all gentlemen.” Lord Linen disagreed: “Linen shorts are clearly superior, dear sir, for they are light and protect all wearers against our sacred dragon enemy, Chafing.” Lord Madras interjected, “You are forgetting the strong, fine fabric and trendy plaid patterns that are the madras short, a short fit for a king!” “You’re all wrong,” said Lord Chino, “for none of these shorts are match for the classic twill chino.”
The row went on for years, until one day a knight rode into the kingdom bearing the emblem of a fox. “I am Sir Longshanks,” he told the lords, “and I propose all the men in the land have access to all of your shorts. This kingdom is built on preppiness, and who are you to deny this of them? I say all bros shall be able to wear all sizes, lengths and colors of shorts at all times.” The idea was a revelation and the lords were overjoyed with Longshanks’ stroke of genius. Shortly thereafter they named Sir Longshanks their king and adopted Country Club Prep as the new name of their kingdom, where guys have been shopping for all kinds of preppy shorts ever since. And they all lived preppily ever after.